20 Reasons why liking pineapple on pizza makes you a bad person
UPDATE: Having gained momentum from the President of Iceland I'm now confident that the UK can become a pineapple-on-pizza free zone.
If you still aren't convinced, here are 20 good (great) reasons that will help you make the right decision and join #TeamNoPineapple
20. In a modest Twitter poll of 216 votes - 53% of people agreed that pineapple on pizza is ‘all kinds of wrong.’
Let's settle this debate once and for all.
— Shonette (@Shonette) November 18, 2015
Ham & Pineapple on pizza, is it:
19. In Maui they use pineapples to make wine. If you can make wine with it then why would you do anything else.
18. Pineapples were once believed to cause miscarriages, but a pregnant woman would need to eat about 10 whole pineapples for it to be a concern. Do you want to be the one to tell a heavily pregnant woman that she can't eat the pizza? Really?
17. A pineapple is not an apple, or pine. It’s actually a berry! BERRIES ON YOUR PIZZA.
16. There’s a myth that pineapples make a man’s “fluids” taste sweeter. But no conclusive scientific evidence
15. No-one has signed up for my scientific study.
14. Because of this joke: I just burnt my Hawaiian pizza - I guess I should have put it on Aloha temperature.
13. Pineapples ripen faster upside down. Go home pineapple, you’re drunk.
12. Hawaiian pizzas were actually invented by a canadian. Probably as a joke.
11. That man has a name that sounds suspiciously like a joke - Sam Panopoulos
10. A quote from “Mr Panopoulos - “It was a steep learning curve at first, We'd never seen a pizza. We didn't know what we were doing." - And you want to trust this man.
9. Pineapples probably aren’t welcome in post-Brexit Britain
8. In Victorian times pineapples would be grown in hot pits and boys would be paid to sit and sleep in them – just in case the pit caught on fire. And that’s terribly sexist.
7. Of every pound you spend on pineapple in the shop, retailers typically take 41p, multinational traders 38p and plantation owners 17p; Workers get 4p and that’s not enough for any pizza.
6. Pineapple is the only known source in nature of the enzyme Bromelain. Bromelain digests proteins… so when you eat pineapple - it eats you back. The fuck.
5. You’re eating Spongebob’s home. You sick fucks.
4. Katie Hopkins probably likes Hawaiian pizza. Evident from this Twitter exchange:
@KTHopkins I take your silence as admission that you do indeed love pineapple on pizza.
— Dan Izzard (@SimpleLampoon) September 1, 2016
Her silence says it all.
3. In Australian slang, “to get the wrong end of the pineapple,” means to get a bad deal. Literally translated: Bad deal pizza - you bloody drongo.
2. Pineapples take up to 3 years to grow. 3 fucking years to ruin a pizza. You could fit in a full training cycle for the next olympics before your pizza was ready.
1. The pineapple did not make it to England until the 1600s, and it became a HIT in the 1700s. So It took 100 years for people to like them. If it takes that long to like, then I’ll be dead before I like Hawaiian pizza.
