Flat White Chronicles: Chapter I

Why do you buy coffee? Not in supermarkets; in Costa, Starbucks et al? If you are like me, you buy coffee for a)  the mild sense of accomplishment after a 5 minute spurt of caffeine induced productivity and b) to entertain yourself to the  possibility that you might actually be a responsible grown up on your way to a proper job.

I therefore bring you the 'flat white chronicles' a review of not just coffee, but the coffee buying experience. Because in all honesty, picking up your morning coffee like they do in American movies equates for at least some of the motivation drawing you into the same shop every morning.

Chapter 1; Cafe Gusto, Temple Meads.

Queue Length: 2 people 4/5 - three minute waiting time. Enough time to make it look like I'm deliberating over what I want to order, even though I already know what I want. But I could make a change. But I won't.

Ambiance 2/5 -  Not a hint of any background music. Not that I want to listen to world music, whale sounds or Norah Jones, but it's what I expect of a coffee shop. Poster warning of theft in the area doesn't add anything for me. I also didn't see any giant printed canvas's of macro photography coffee beans. Beans are reassuring.

Coffee cup 1/5 - Unbranded. If I'm spending money on a coffee, I at least expect some core branding values. Not because I want people to know that I have a job that can support my coffee addiction, but I'm not sure I can can trust an organisation tat doesn't understand the value of branding. It is not rocket science. Free marketing space carried into every office in the city. Pick it up guys. This measly cup could have been supplied by a greasy spoon. What if people thought I had got it from a greasy spoon? Whatever then?! Goodness I'd have to go into hiding. Heavens.

Price 3/5 - £2.59 Reassuringly expensive. Awkward 1 penny change. Man in front pays by card. Awkward moment when he stares at the screen waiting for the 'remove your card'  signal but it takes an age to process. Now it just looks like he's lost in his own little world. He probably is, it is early.

Extras 2/5 - Cardboard sleeve, stirrers, brown sugar, white sugar, sweetener. Extras that you would find on a Train refreshment cart, or at a charity football match. No chocolate powder dusting. Boooo. Maybe those amorous commuters abused the extras cabinet. I bet they did. They've ruined it for everyone.

Taste:  It's a coffee. Yup. It's hot. That's pretty much my requirements met.